I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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