my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
