i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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