I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
