Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
