Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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