It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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