how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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