I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
