WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
