I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
