Too much gin, very little bucket
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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