so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
