I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
