Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
