What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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