First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
