i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
