Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
