i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
