that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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