hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
