grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this boner is exhausting
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
