she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
