Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
