seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
