That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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