This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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