She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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