its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
