I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The air taste purple.
Randomize
