How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
