i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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