We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
