I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
