3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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