On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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