How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
