Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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