btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
