I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
