I wish I could teleport
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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