apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
