pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
