Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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