Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
