I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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