So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
