She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
