Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Your dad touched me again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
