One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
