it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
