I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
