your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sober January is a disaster.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
