Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
