he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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