are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
