This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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