my mouth tastes like poor choices
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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