your thong is hanging out like whoa
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
