shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
