I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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