'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
