What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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