I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
