I will die if light touches me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
