I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
