U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
