i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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