I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
