you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
