Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
