Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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