can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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