is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Vodka?
Forever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
