Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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